GOIAKO

I know I haven’t done much on this page. No excuse. Will be back soon.

RASA to listen consciously…

Receive
Appreciate
Summarize
Ask

From Julian Treasure’s Ted Talk.

—–

May I share some embarrassing moments with you?

I want to first say, I try to be a good listener but sometimes I am a bad listener (only sometimes – I hope!). It’s embarrassing considering I’ve designed and delivered workshops/training on how to listen, how to give and receive feedback, etc.

Today I could’ve, or should’ve been a better listener.

During work meeting, I interrupted my coworkers constantly. It was mostly out of excitement, but it doesn’t matter.

On my way back home, I was on the phone with my friend. She was talking, and then I just thought of a question I was going to ask her. I interrupted her as if that was the most important thing in the whole world.

In the evening I was on a conference call with two colleagues. Yes, I did it again. Interrupting people and trying to get my voice heard first. That’s just not good. I hope I don’t repeat this.

If I want to be heard, I need to listen too. It’s so simple that even my 18 months old niece seems to know that – she waits until I’m done talking. I should learn from her!

I’m going to (try to) RASA tomorrow (and forever!). We’ll see if I can do it.

A few weeks ago, someone who’s thinking of applying for a grad school asked me what she should do or shouldn’t do to succeed in graduate school.

When I heard that question, I was thinking…
1) I don’t know. How would I know?
2) How the heck do you define “being successful in grad school?”
3) Everyone’s different!
4) Read the PhD Comics…

This whole conversation made me think of…all those times I seriously thought of quitting the school. Gosh – I can’t even count how many times it really was.

Why didn’t I quit then?

1) “I can’t quit because I’m not a quitter.”
This was why when I in my 1st year.

2) “I don’t have anything else to do.”
Yes – when I was in my 2nd year.

3) “It is too much of an investment already. I have to finish.”
Yes, you’ve probably guessed – this was when I was in my 3rd year.

And then, when I was ending my 4th year in my phd program, I finally realized what I wanted to do [when I grow up ;p]. And that’s really what got me through the rest of my grad school.

I was mostly very happy to discover my passion, although a bit disappointed that it took almost four years. I think it took me longer to find my path because I was resisting the idea of changing my career and life goals I had in mind when I started the program. I had a pretty vivid picture of what kind of life and career I’d have after getting a phd. After four years of resisting, and then learning from successes and failures of others as well as mine, I let it go and embrace my new goals, mission, and passion.

So, that’s it. That’s why I stayed in grad school. A boring story, maybe (NOOOOO!), but a true one. =)

————-

In case you’re wondering what I told the person I meantioned in the beginning of this post, this was what came out of my mouth:

“I don’t know if success means the same thing for everyone. I mean, what success meant to me five years ago is different from what it meant to me when I was graduating.

I think what helped me survive and thrive sometimes in my program was … being open to different opportunities even if it doesn’t sound that good [you'll always learn something!], having support from friends, talking to different people, and … being true to myself – well, at least trying whenever I could.

And of course, you gotta work hard, lose some sleep, drink lots of coffee, give up weekends, and [blah blah blah...]“

Today I came across this article. When a thief takes your dissertation

This was a nice reminder why I should back up my computer all the time – even at this very moment.

This also reminded me of what made me start backing up.

I used to proudly say, “I have a degree in Electronic commerce. I know one or two about computer.”

One day, boom! My laptop died. My poor Sony Vaio that was probably being abused just stopped working. I lost almost everything. I had backed up only ONCE while I had that computer. I was able to recover only a fraction of what I had.

So I got a new laptop. A nice macbook. I spent more than half of what was in my bank account for that laptop. I saved all my recovered files onto the new machine.

Seven days later, yes, seven DAYS later, I spilt coffee on the new laptop. Of course, I hadn’t backed up again.  Seriously, how many laptops should I go through to learn the lessons? I guess I finally learned the lesson. Now, I’m RELIGIOUSLY backing up. I use extra HDD, Dropbox, AND Backblaze. And no more liquids near my machine!

So those who are writing your dissertation, thesis, papers, etc. (and really everyone who owns a computer), if you haven’t been backing up, learn from my mistakes and go back up now! =)

(Image from khan.co.kr)

I’m in Korea now. I’m here for a few days to take care of some business.

Yesterday morning, I was in the subway. Inside the train was a very skinny middle-aged man standing next to a pile of newspapers up to his shoulder. He was one of those who collect newspapers left in the trains and sell them to make money. This is actually illegal in Korea, btw.

This man seemed very angry. He was cursing and talking to himself, smelling alcohol. Like everyone else in the train, I was just trying to avoid getting too close to him.

Then, an old lady asked him a question.

“How much money do you make if you sell these? 10,000 won (about $10)?”

The paper collector guy: “No, MUCH more than that. Like 15,000 won (about $15)”

The old lady: “Ok, that’s not too bad. Then, how much do you make a day?”

The paper collector guy: “I usually sleep only for 3 hours and work for 20 hours a day, from 5 am to 1am, while the subways operate. Some days, I make A LOT, like 70,000 won (about $70). Some days, I make 30,000 won (about $30). I make about 1,500,000 won (about $1,500) a month.”

“Is that enough to support your family?”

“No. But that’s ok. I got no family. My wife is in heaven. She died from a car accident 2 years ago.”

“Oh I’m sorry…….. But what about your kids? You have any kids?”

“My daughter is with her mom….. (he sighed and wiped his tears) She died from leukemia 3 years ago. She was 13. She was a smart, beautiful kid. I lost everything I had to save her. I lost my job, I lost my house, I lost all my money.”

“……………….”

“And then last year I got diagnosed with stomach cancer.”

“wow….. you’re really unlucky. Well, then stop drinking so much. You smell like you showered with alcohol instead of water. And stop working so much.”

“I gave up. I’m gonna die soon for sure. But the thing is….. I got a son, who doesn’t speak to me any more. He feels that I don’t care about him because he had got no attention while I was trying to save my daughter and my wife. Now, I gotta make some money for him. I tried everything to find a job. But you know how it is. No one wants to hire a sick, old, angry man. Plus, like you said, I’m the unluckiest guy.”

“Yea… life is tough. I know.”

“Yes… life is tough. So much that I want to give up every day. That’s why I need to drink everyday. But you know, I’m actually happy these days that I can do this. I feel like I at least have a purpose in my life. I know it’s not like I have a big dream. But at least if I can make some money for my son, my life won’t be so bad after all. It might actually be meaningful. And who knows, maybe I’ll make enough money for my son’s college tuition before I die. Right?”

“……………….”

I didn’t know what to think about this.

When I got in the train yesterday morning, I was complaining about carrying a heavy bag filled with books and a laptop, not having a seat to sit down, not having internet access in the subway because my phone doesn’t work here, not having enough time to read all these books, blah blah blah.

After overhearing the conversation between the man and the old lady, I felt ashamed. Then, I felt grateful for everything I have in my life.

Once I heard a lecture about happiness. The speaker said two things matter to one’s happiness: what you have and what you want. You can be happier by increasing what you have OR decreasing what you want, so you can keep a certain ratio between the two.

I guess the paper collecting guy in the subway helped me with both. I realized I had more than what I thought I had in my life, and I may not need all these things I had desired…

I recently became interested in the work-life balance issue. Not (necessarily) because I am having issues but because I see various ways other people (especially women) deal with this issue to create more balance between the two.

I know there is a HUGE literature on work-home interference, home-work interference, spillover, etc… But I am more interested in what people actually do to create more positive experience out of all of these (surprise huh? given what I’m interested!).

So I started looking at different interventions, exercises, books, and resources. I asked some OD practitioners what they do to help their clients. And here’s what I’ve heard so far.

1. It’s good to be proactive but don’t worry too much about it way too early. These issues can be very difficulty to deal with and people often start worry about these way too early. Instead of worrying, start building your resources. It might be the case that five years from now when these issues become problems, you may also have a lot more resources that will help you deal with these issues.
2. Know yourself. Know your values. Ask yourself what it is that you want out of life and work. And start from there. There are various tools you can use to learn more about your personal values.
3. Work and life. They are not separate. Instead of trying to prevent interference from one to the other, try to integrate the two.
4. Sometimes there’s so much you can do. You may need help from your family, supervisor, and the organization. See if you can use flexible hours, virtual commuting, etc.
5. Organizational culture matters. See what’s valued within your organization.

That’s it for now. But I’ll continue looking for more specifics, more tools, and more wisdom!

* Update

Just found an interesting article “7 ways to stay balanced during job search” (http://exm.nr/gHW6Wv)

11/5/10

Feeling grateful

I’m feeling very grateful to have my friends who have consistently showed me what a good friendship means.  I only hope that I can do the same thing for them…

9/16/10

What keeps you sane?

I’m not insane. You know that, right?

But sometimes things happen and turn me into this primitive creature that doesn’t like to think much and likes to do whatever feels good or do whatever it takes to just survive. And the consequences are often not as pretty as I thought they were going to be.

So I started taking a class. Yeah – a class. But this is not a psychology class. (I think I can take a break from taking another psychology class at least until I’m done with my dissertation.)

Kali. That’s what I’m learning these days. It’s a Filipino martial arts class. We learn how to use weapons, kick, disarm, protect, block, etc. I love learning new skills and using muscles that I didn’t even know I had.

What I love the most about Kali though is that while I’m in the class, I just get sucked into it and forget about everything else. (Sounds like I’m in flow, huh?) Kali requires I pay a lot of attention to my own movement as well as others’. So if I am distracted, I’m useless in the class. I don’t think when I’m in Kali classes. It’s just all about watching and reacting. Maybe that’s not a good thing. But at least for now it’s really good thing for me.

I sound like writing a testimonial. I’m not saying you should take Kali, or martial arts classes.

But I was curious. What keeps other people sane?

BTW, this is where I’m taking Kali. Submission Kali

4/12/10

Decision to donate

Today I attended an event “Decision to Donate” organized by Massimo Backus, a first year student in my school.  The event started with screening a film Massimo directed: Decision to Donate (www.decisiontodonate.com), a story about his father’s decision to donate his kidney to his friend.

The film was short but very touching and inspiring. Although I probably won’t know exactly what organ donors and receivers go through, the film taught me that to donate an organ is more than to give someone a life.

At the end of the event, we were asked to fill out (if we wanted to) a donor sign-up form (www.donatelifecalifornia.org). Attached to the form was a very short survey on organ donation. The first question – if I remember it correctly – was something like ‘Did you fill out the organ donor registration form today? If yes why have you not signed up in the past? If no, why?’

My answer to the second part of the question was… I didn’t register before because it never occurred to me.

It was kind of embarrassing. Especially because I often say I don’t get attached to things – which btw is actually true – and like to give away things I don’t need to other people if they want. Plus, I love sharing/donating my resources – well, for now it’s mostly time because that’s what i have – to help others and make them happy (!). And yet it never came across my mind that I have other things to give.

As I was searching online to learn more about organ donation, I was surprised to find that minorities should be particularly concerned about organ donation, because “some diseases of the kidney, heart, lung, pancreas, and liver are found more frequently in racial and ethnic minority populations than in the general population” (http://bit.ly/1hUkVC).

So…. I made the decision today… to donate. Hopefully I can give a life to someone!

Hello! I’m currently re-designing my website! Please revisit on 2/10/11!